(Photo Credit: Living in Monrovia/Flickr)
To my fellow Administrative Law students,
I know that law school is hard. I know that having to attend more than one class is hard. I know that reading cases is hard, and paying tuition is harder still. I’m there with you.
I also have a great amount of sympathy for those of us in this class who are more fundamentally challenged. The ones who seem to suffer from a complete lack of etiquette and common courtesy as well as from peculiar eating disorders. I get it, that home life must have supremely difficult, and the public school system was so lacking that no one taught you how to behave in public, and, specifically, how to eat in public. And how not to.
I thought that perhaps the first class was a fluke, but as your collective behaviour seems to be getting worse with each class, I have come to the conclusion that it is not a fluke, and you all suffer from a peculiar set of eating disorders that bisect with a thorough lack of courtesy to your fellow students.
So let me help. Here are some basic guiding principles that should help you navigate your eating frenzies during our classes together for this semester:
1. There IS a ten minute break in between the two hours that we study. You do NOT need to start gorging on your food as soon as the lesson starts. For those of you with slightly less chronic eating disorders, I beseech you to please wait out the first hour before unfolding and then munching away like a horse on your chosen dish, which turns our classroom into a stable.
It’s really not that hard to wait until the break to start eating. Incredibly, you might also learn something about administrative law if you paid attention to what is being taught, instead of what is in your sandwich.
As an added bonus, your classmates might like you more if you could just put a reign on your impulse to gorge until the appropriate time.
2. Food selection: if you are so unable to time manage appropriately, and/or you are utterly incapable of waiting for the break to eat, may I be so bold as to recommend to you what not to bring as your dish of the day?
Tuna sandwiches: they stink up the entire room
Deli sandwiches: see above
Apples, pineapples and other crunchy fruit: your helpless classmates are here to study. We want to hear the professor, not the gnashing of your teeth and the crunch crunch crunch...
See? Stress is a killer, and it comes for your sense of humor first. (Also: are pineapples ... crunchy? You're supposed to cut them up first, guy.)
Other categories we might consider adding:
1. Schools with the best Halloween costumes.
2. Colleges and universities who consume the most chewing gum.
3. Institutions of higher learning most likely to contain multiple students per class who actually take notes using a pen and paper.
(Note: we are not going to add any of these categories. But if you want to find out which school will earn you the most money after graduation, or help you give back to the world, or make you into the world's most devoted alum, we've got you covered.)
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