How to Deal With Passive-Aggression at Work
There’s plenty of information and advice out there for people who have to deal with outright jerks in the workplace – the bullies, the bad bosses, the yellers and screamers who make each day fraught with tension. But what about the folks who don’t make a big stink, but drive us crazy trying to guess what they really want, and whether or not it’s in our best interests to give it to them? For workers toiling alongside the passive-aggressive, the trick is to identify the behaviors before they undermine your productivity, job satisfaction, and corporate culture.
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At Forbes, Amy Rees Anderson offers a few tips for recognizing passive-aggression in the workplace. A few things to look out for are people who:
- Go behind co-workers’ backs, or constantly say one thing, and do another.
- Blame others for their mistakes, or claim that they agree with you, but that they are powerless to effect change.
- Often bust out the old “I was just kidding” line, (especially when it becomes apparent that no one agrees with them).
As you can see, the bottom line is that passive-aggressive co-workers aren’t honest, and the best way to counter that is to be honest yourself — in the most respectful way possible.
“Honesty with respect is always the best policy, in life and in the workplace,” writes Rees Anderson. “Voicing your opinions, if done in a respectful way, is always positive and should be welcomed, encouraged, and even rewarded. Don’t allow passive-aggressive behavior to exist in your company. If it exists today, change it. Remove those people who perpetuate the behavior, starting with those in leadership positions and send the message that this behavior will not be tolerated.”
And if you’re not in a position of power, or worse yet, your boss is the person who’s eroding the culture? There are a few things you can do to keep yourself above the fray, while trying to work for real change:
1. Don’t get sucked into participating in the behavior.
“It’s understandable to be upset when you’re on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behavior,” writes Preston Ni at Psychology Today. “There may be an urge to ‘strike back’ overtly by arguing and using pointed language, or worse yet, become passive-aggressive yourself. Neither approach is helpful, as the passive-aggressive will likely respond to your overt accusations with denial and victimhood, and to any passive aggressiveness on your part with even more covert hostility. All the while, you’re suffering because you have allowed this instigator to take away your equanimity. Don’t give someone the power to turn you into the type of person you don’t like to be.”
2. Keep your distance.
Whenever possible, put space between you and this person. That’s obviously not much help if your direct supervisor is the problem, but if it’s a teammate, you’re best served staying at far away from the problem as possible.
If your boss is the problem, it might be time to look for a better situation, either by looking for opportunities to work for someone else within your company or by finding a new job outside the organization.
3. Break it down into practical steps.
Whether you’re dealing with a co-worker or a manager, by approaching the problem in a realistic way, you can make your day-to-day more pleasant and productive. If you’re forced to work with the person, schedule regular check-ins to make sure you’re on the same page, remain straightforward (and as much as possible, unemotional) in your own communication, and try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt whenever you can.
Above all, remember that you don’t have control over other people’s behavior – only your reaction to it. Concentrate on what you can to do to make your work life better, and don’t let less functional co-workers involve you in their drama.
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