The word “seduction” has been so sensationalized (and sexualized) that it is mostly associated with promiscuity or manipulation. However, as Chen Lizra points out, we all can use seduction in our daily lives to help achieve our life goals. In her recent TED Talk, Lizra shows us how seduction can be a positive tool that professionals can use to achieve their life dreams.
(Photo Credit: M. M./Flickr)
Chen Lizra, entrepreneur, author, speaker, and professional dancer, presented the idea of seduction as a way to fuel a person’s desire in life and business at the 2012 TED Talks in Vancouver, saying that seduction is an “untapped power that [people are] not using.” In other words, if a person is holding himself back because of insecurities or fear, he’s not taking even the first step toward his aspirations. So, how do tap into the power of seduction in order to get ahead in life? Let’s first take a look at what “wooing” a person entails.
According to Lizra, seduction is a combination of:
Seduction is also not a science, as Lizra points out in her presentation, it’s actually an art that can be learned, taught, and mastered. What are the secrets to charming the pants off someone (pun not intended)? Here are the four key components of mastering seduction:
1. Desire – Know what you want and have the willingness to go after it. When you’re clear and confident about your desires, then the path to achieving them is much easier.
2. Confidence – Strong self-confidence is essential for seduction. This is probably the one trait that holds people back in life the most — a lack of self-confidence. Find even the tiniest shred of confidence within you and build off of that. Whether you find assurance in your hobbies or in your academic achievements, use what you have now to build the foundation for later.
3. Body language – Use body language as a way of communicating to the other person what you want and don’t want, and vice versa. Being able to effectively communicate and understand body language will help enhance your ability to seduce others.
4. Arousal – To effectively seduce someone, there has to be an activation of arousal. Great salesmen know intuitively what a prospective client needs and how to lure it out of them. Pay attention, and you’ll discover what other people want.
Generally speaking, society allows men are more freedom to seduce than women, and, in the workplace, seduction is immediately associated with “sleeping your way to the top.” However, Lizra argues that dismissing all seductive techniques as bad because of their associations is similar to saying that money is bad. It’s not the money that is bad, she says, it’s that “money gives you power, and power can be used for good and for bad […] it all comes down to who you are.” Seduction can be viewed the same way — it comes down to who you are and how you use it.
“Everyone has the power to seduce, the trick is to know how to use it and when,” says Lizra. Don’t think of seduction as being sexual or manipulative, but rather a way to understand what the other person wants, because, as Lizra says, “when there’s real desire, even if it’s hidden, it’s possible to lure it out.” It’s all about knowing how.
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